Tips and Tricks for Mediation in Family Law

Mediation is a powerful tool in family law. If you are separating from your spouse or common-law partner, it is likely that you will come across this concept relatively early. There is a good reason for this: it can be highly effective.

Think of mediation as a guided negotiation between yourself and your former partner. Typically, each party will have a lawyer present to assist and advocate for them, and there will be another third party who is the mediator to facilitate the conversation. The third party is most often a lawyer in the family bar. In Calgary, in particular, we have an excellent selection of mediators to choose from.

Mediation is effective because it gives you a say in the process to solve your issues.

If the issue is parenting, you can work through the intricacies of your and your ex-partner’s work schedules to come up with a specific, custom parenting plan that works for your family. If the issue is determining a party’s income, then mediation allows space to be able to discuss how that party earns their money and whether there are additional benefits to their job which may be imputed as income.

No matter what the issue is, mediation provides a terrific opportunity for both parties to talk and understand the issue to try to work toward a mutually agreeable solution.

Mediation can fall apart, however, in situations where a party is unprepared or is not willing to make a deal. The following are some best practice tips and tricks to raise your odds of success at mediation.

1. Preparation! This is the most important part of the process. Your lawyer should be scheduling a pre-mediation session with you in which you can discuss your options, possible settlement strategies, and outcomes. Your lawyer should be fully prepared in this session to walk you through any specific areas of law that you may encounter and to provide you with the range of possible outcomes.

2. Compromise. This is a negotiation. You are likely to end up with a result that you do not love but is tolerable to you. The opposing side will leave feeling the same. In most circumstances, this means that it was a good deal. Your lawyer should be your guiding force for areas where compromise is worthwhile and where it is not.

3. Comfort. Come to mediation dressed cleanly, but comfortably. This could be a long day and may be emotionally taxing, so it is important to be comfortable.

4. Caucus. At some point during the day, it is likely that you will want to speak with your lawyer alone. We call that caucusing. This can be an effective way to speak to your lawyer about your legal position or to start the process of exchanging deals.

5. Respect. This is a two-way process, and each party needs to be given the space to express themselves, even if the other party does not agree with what they are saying. Everyone involved needs to approach the other parties with respect and let them express their concerns without criticism or interruption.

6. Open-mindedness. Enter to process with an open mind. Negotiation is about trying to solve what each party needs s the solution for a deal may not always be obvious at first and may require some unexpected ideas.

Ultimately, mediation is a tool to allow parties to have a voice in the process and to try to solve issues in an amicable, conflict-free way.

If approached in the proper way, meditation is likely to drastically reduce the cost, time, and stress of your separation from your ex-partner.